I dream of dicks

So last night I have a dream that I'm shopping in the mall with some broad. We're walking along when suddenly she pulls a dick out of her purse and begins blowing it. I'm staring at her as she's going to town on this cock, and she's all like "Sometimes I just really need to suck a dick, ya know?" She fumbles around in her purse and pulls out a second dick and hands it to me. "Here, have some." I look at the dick in my hand. Its not severed, its flat at the base like a dildo would be but its super realistic and feels like an actual penis. I shrug and pop it in my mouth like a lollipop and we continue walking around the mall, both of us sucking on a dick, getting weird looks from other shoppers. I'm thinking "Man this is weird, even for me." I turn to her and say "So what's the deal with these cocks? Where did you get them?" "Duh, they're MAGIC dicks. They're set free by their masters and will return to them when we've finished with them," she replied. I say "What, like they reattach themselves?" She nods. I yell "THEN WHOSE FUCKING DICK HAVE I BEEN SUCKING ON?!!!"

Then I woke up.

Trees are assholes.

I used to love trees before I lived in the woods. Now I've got assloads of trees and they're all dickheads. All they do is drop shit on my house, my head, and my yard. A tree is like "LOL HAVE SOME ACORNS. HAVE 50 THOUSAND ACORNS. YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT DONT YOU BITCH? THAT'S MY TREE SEMEN ALL OVER YOUR YARD. OH HEY ITS ALMOST WINTER NOW, THINK ILL DROP 40 TONS OF LEAVES TOO. WHAT'S THAT, YOU JUST CLEANED THE LAWN? WELL I DON'T NEED THESE SPARE BRANCHES, GONNA SHED THEM TOO. OH I GUESS ILL JUST DIE NOW AND FALL OVER AND BLOCK YOUR CAR IN BECAUSE I'M A STUPID TREE."