Trees are assholes.

I used to love trees before I lived in the woods. Now I've got assloads of trees and they're all dickheads. All they do is drop shit on my house, my head, and my yard. A tree is like "LOL HAVE SOME ACORNS. HAVE 50 THOUSAND ACORNS. YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT DONT YOU BITCH? THAT'S MY TREE SEMEN ALL OVER YOUR YARD. OH HEY ITS ALMOST WINTER NOW, THINK ILL DROP 40 TONS OF LEAVES TOO. WHAT'S THAT, YOU JUST CLEANED THE LAWN? WELL I DON'T NEED THESE SPARE BRANCHES, GONNA SHED THEM TOO. OH I GUESS ILL JUST DIE NOW AND FALL OVER AND BLOCK YOUR CAR IN BECAUSE I'M A STUPID TREE."